yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
