He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Michael Bay diarrhea
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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