I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
