Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
