counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
