You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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