running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
