new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
