I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
