Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
