i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
