Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
birth control should be required to get into college
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
