hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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