Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
