If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
