Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
