i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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