did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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