Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
