shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
