It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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