needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
