i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i think i just naturally attract stoners
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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