This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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