Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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