Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
