woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
