That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
