just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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