I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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