I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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