We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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