just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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