the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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