i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
