I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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