It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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