I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
