I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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