I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
