I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
