Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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