took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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