This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
