um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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