The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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