i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
