Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
