uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
