I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
