Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
