If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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