Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
