I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
