I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize