Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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