How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
