I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
