Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
