I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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