Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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