Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
